Party at Cindy's! Drunk White Women for Everybody!

Call me un-American but I’ve never been much into the stereotypical blonde. That’s not to be discriminatory, but the average blonde haired blue-eyed bombshell never really caught my notice as something to be in awe of. I tend to lean towards the more exotic mixes. The thing I never understood was the fact that there are blonde haired white women everywhere!! They’re not rare!! They are this country’s chief export next to McDonald’s and corrupt government, especially when they’re drunk and on spring break. Most men fall into two categories; ass-men and boob-men. Me personally, I first quantify myself as a personality man, then the rest tends to fall into place. It is my opinion that every girl has something to love about them. I find that this has rare exception. You gotta love a girl with a bit of sass, a certain nerdishness, a bit of spice, and a great sense of humor.  So that being said, I’m gonna itemize my favorite white women and damn it to hell; you don’t have to agree. 

Thats the kind of tussled woman we like

Christina Ricci

                Old habits die hard…Christina Ricci is OG dope. I can remember how outwardly creepy she is in most everything that she plays in and how down right sexy she is damn near all the time. I would never say that she’s the best actress out there, or even that she has a sparkling personality, but she’s got an edge to her that seems to have dulled only a little bit as the years have gone by. In any case it wouldn’t my list if she didn’t make the cut.

Yikes...that is all

Scarlett Johansson

                Two words; God Damn. There are very few words that I could use to adequately describe Scarlett Johansson. I can only say that if I was to somehow Frankenstein a woman (“put together”, not the wrestling move you jackass!) she would probably end up looking pretty close to that. She’s got the kind of body that makes men fold over due to brain-blood loss, and women gnash their teeth and sharpen their daggers. It doesn’t hurt that she plays comic book heroines / secret agents either. 

Marissa Coughlan  

I’ve always been partial to the girl-next door types. Marissa’s definitely got that whole vibe going on. She’s very down-homey and has a certain charm about her that makes her very sweet and normal. She just the right amount of cute and sweet. Definitely very marriageable.

 

                                    Heather Graham

Is she dreaming about what we are? Probably not

                Heather Heather Heather… She’s rocking that whole hot teacher thing. She’s somehow able to cast of a mature aura while often playing flightly child-like characters. Unfortunately a side of effect of the whole hot teacher thing is a whiff of unattainability, but a boy can dream. ..

Don't hit on Glau. Glau hit back.

Summer Glau
 

Oh she’s definitely one of the true favorites. She’s absolutely suh-mokin. As my good friends can tell you, I’m not into tough chicks in the least. For damn sure I like my women extra womanly. Summer is the exception to the rule.  This girl could kill you 20 times over before you can say, “Oh No!” but somehow when she actually does use the facial muscles to crack a smile, one can’t help but to be enamored. Creepy.  Disciplined. Hot. Perfection. 

             Emma Stone

She just might flaming helicopter dunk on your ass...at Nintendo

                Every guy somewhere knows a girl like Emma Stone. She was that girl in the neighborhood that had 5 brothers, a dad who coached football, and a smoking hot mom. What does that mean? Despite having all the qualifications of a hot chick, she could make fun of you till you cried, play basketball better than you, and probably beat you at Nintendo.  Fortunately that also means that she cuts through the entire hot chick girlish signal sending and game playing thing and tells you stuff strait. Emma is the type of every-girl that you meet that can play nice with the girls, and hang tough with the guys without being too mannish.  Quite possibly the perfect girlfriend if you can find one fellas. 

Sasha Grey

I don't think she just wants cake...

                It’s not often that I find myself at a loss for words (except when I’m describing Charlie Murphy’s outright authentic niggerishness to suburban Caucasians) but we all know that there are women out there who have an unnatural ability to crumple men to their knees with a look. These are girls that don’t have the most stunning body yet have libidinous appetite in their eye that just makes them instantly hot and outright irresistible to 99% of men. Though words cannot encapsulate or completely describe this aura that some women have, Sasha is definitely one such woman.  She has an ever present expression on her face that says, “You’re gonna get screwed to death, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” Tending to explain things better in simile and metaphor, I can only quote Billy Zane in one of my favorite movies as an explanation; “You are going to give me what I want. That’s just the way it is. The sooner you figure that out, the better.” Girls beware of this type of woman because she can steal your boyfriend and you’re utterly powerless to stop her.