5. There are no more good guys; You killed them
Popular Myth: There are no more good guys
Actual Truth: Yes, there are. You just don’t know how to spot them
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| The last guy that treated you well... |
I can’t say how many times I’ve heard this one. For some reason it really gets under my skin as it does to most guys. Ladies I guarantee you that every good guy you know, knows at least 3 other good guys, so it really baffles us when you say that we don't exist. The real reason that you can’t find a good guy is because you aren’t looking for one. I have seen girls “looking for a good guy” and they find em’ quick, and boy do they latch on! There seems to abundance of women who say that they're looking for a good guy, but latch on to the worst guys imaginable. The problem is that good guys are generally a lot less conspicuous than their evil counterparts. So for all you girls looking to snag a winner, you probably don’t want to go after the guy that’s obviously putting himself out there every second of every day being flamboyant and obnoxious. IN SHORT, stay away from the egomaniacal douchebags. A logical question might be where did the douchebags come from?
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| same guy, 5 rejections later |
The going theory: Back when we are younger and we are learning the dynamics of social interactions we form basic impressions of how things work. Overall guys are pretty simple critters. Reasonably intelligent guys work in a very strict cause-effect methodology. Let’s be honest and realistic here. Every girl that reads this at one point or another has had good guy be very straight up in their attempt to “woo” you. I mean he was honest, caring, listened to your thoughts, showed you respect, supported you when you needed it; the whole shbang. Then for one reason or another, “you couldn’t see yourself with that guy”, “weren’t ready for a relationship”, “wanted to just be friends” or whatever. THEN you turn around and start dating some psycho egomaniac that treats you like crap, unceremoniously cheats on you, or just doesn’t really give a damn about you in the first place. Then after getting your heart broken for years chasing ostentatious dickwads, you start to wonder where that nice guy was that liked you in the beginning is or why you can’t find any guys like that anymore. The sad news is that YOU KILLED HIM. He’s either been snagged by a smarter girl or he’s been slowly mutated into a philandering, panty chasing cast member of the Jersey Shore. This is sad because over the years of being a good doobie, he’s learned that for some reason, that chicks don’t necessarily want what they say they want and that they seem prefer a guy that gives em’ a fair amount of trouble and heartache. Hence they transform into what they think you want. Simple cause and effect. To a point, this logic is not entirely faulty as women tend not to idealize the black or white, but the many shades of gray. Combine that with motherly nature and you get a girl who’d rather expend energy and attempt to transform a rotten apple into a half passable crumble, than take a good egg and have a great quiche. What can I say about that kind of logic? Women are crazy. What girls fail to understand is that they make the rules in this game. They are holding all the keys to all of the doors. They literally get to pick and choose who they want to be with. An apt quote from Lisa Simpson is, “You see? I want to bring out the Millhouse in Nelson.” To which Millhouse promptly replies, “BUT IM ALL MILLHOUSE!”
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| Katy Perry married an unstable drug-addicted, ex-con, sex addict... Dude must be doing something right |
6. There are other women on the planet; some may in fact may be more attractive than you
Popular Myth: My guy should only have eyes for me
Actual Truth: A good guy only has a mind only for you, but them eyes are gonna wander
This is a tricky subject because it’s one of those hot button issues that has an argument on both sides. For most guys, there is very little understanding of the female psyche. They don’t understand how your mind works. Unfortunately after a lifetime being surrounded by women, I and a few other guys I know have a natural proclivity towards understanding it. So for the guys out there, here’s the logic; Girls have more singularity of mind, especially when it comes to attraction. When they like a guy, they obsess. That is the only guy on the planet to them. They talk about him incessantly, much to the horror and annoyance of all those around them. You can tell when a girl is into a guy because she starts every sentence with, “My boyfriend _______________________.” (FYI: Ladies, you are not going to convince us to love your BF as much as you do, no matter how great he is. Please stop making us nauseous.) Getting back to the point...This attitude is going to project onto her expectations of you fellas, not because she’s being a psycho, but because she doesn’t understand that men’s minds work much differently, especially after that honeymoon stage of the relationship. Any dude that starts every other sentence with "My girlfriend___________" will quickly be cut out of his circle of friends.
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| "Topless girls on the overpass? Sorry I didn't notice them, honey" |
So ladies with that being said, in an ideal relationship, that guy's gonna love you more than anything else in his world. You may very well be the functional center of his universe, and believe me when I say that he loves you very much. Unfortunately, due to the laws of reality, you are in fact not the only woman on the planet and by far not the most attractive no matter how "hot" you think or he tells you that you are. It’s probably best that you don’t lie to yourself about that, and try adamantly to get your partner to lie about it. It just makes life easier for everyone. So his mind is yours and in an ideal relationship, and he’s gonna try to make you feel great about yourself. This does not mean that he’s not checking out every hot girl that walks by him. When you’re dragging him along clothes shopping for or sitting in a restaurant, he’s checking out the other girls. He’s genetically programmed to check out every skirt that walks by him just as you’re genetically programmed to be emotional at certain times per month. Besides, you can’t be all hypocritically fanatical about Tom Brady, Denzel Washington, and Johnny Depp and expect that your BF has a shrine to only you in his closet.
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| Monogamy: Not for everyone |
He has friends or acquaintances that are going to be girls, and this causes many women a lot of anxiety because they are suspicious or insecure or whatever. Ladies if your boyfriend or husband has a lot of women or guy friends and he spends time with them, don’t be insecure about it. People are social creatures and this whole “You can only confide in me for the rest of your life” thing doesn’t really work out too well in reality as it leads to feelings of confinement and resentment. It doesn’t mean that he’s aiming to leave you or anything but certain people vibe at certain times and you can’t be the go-to person for everything. “BUT!”, you say, “I got this friend who’s boyfriend left her for a girl he met at work, etc.” Well to that I say, “tough tomatoes”. Let’s get back to reality people. Things don’t always have a fairytale ending. Some people aren’t meant to be together forever. Heartbreak is always an active card to be played as people tend to grow apart and genetic programming dictates polygamy and social programming endorses monogamy. In any case, if someone is set in their minds to leave then you can’t stop them. Attempting to somehow prevent this by imprisoning them is only going to hasten their departure. If you want your relationship to work then you can only put in your 50% of the pie and hope for the best. Also learning to be a better judge of character could help...This is especially true of people who pride themselves on being in a relationship for whatever reason AND TALK ABOUT IT INCESSANTLY. When their "perfect relationship" goes south then they end up looking like a dumbass. One of my favorite instances of this is when a friend said to me, "You know what's weird about you? You've been with this girl forever and yet you never talk about her". My reply to this was, "Why would I talk about her? She's not here." Never define yourself as someone else's accessory because if they leave, then you're nothing.
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| The male psyche...very very very complicated |
7. We said what we meant, and we meant what we said.
Popular Myth: Men are deep complicated creatures
Actual Truth: Multidimensional, maybe... Complicated, no
“What do you mean by that!?” is the cry of the wife / girlfriend. Nothing; we meant nothing by it beyond the words that we said. Again this is one of those finer points of contention between men and women. For the guys out there, here’s how it works; While you were off playing with your GI Joes and watching He-Man, the girls were playing dress-up and having imaginary tea parties. This means that while we were gaining a visuo-spatial edge over them, they were gaining a psycho-social edge on us. Adaptively speaking, being that most women lack the physical power to contend with most men, they have to possess the mental dexterity to outthink us. Simply put, she’s smart, you’re dumb. Thems are the facts chief. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but overall they spent their early years building very complex social schemas and essentially learning to verbally manipulate everyone around them. So this gives them an innate mastery of double speak, ulterior motives, and subtext. This is not to personify them as evil incarnate to you guys, but it’s simply a game most girls learn to play to one degree or another as it is the social norm. To the contrary, guys have almost no understanding of this. This is not to say that a guy cannot be witty or deceptive, but we tend to mean what we say and not have any other complicated meanings underneath it. So ladies save yourself the mental anguish of trying to interpret what he’s saying and take it at face value.You really do look fine, so can we get going without you getting mad?
Many women want a guy who will “open up” and share their feelings. Sorry to disappoint you, but if you are dating a man’s man, odds are that his ability to express these feelings is severly atrophied. He probably doesn’t even know how to interpret his feelings, let alone explain them to you. I personally give girls a lot of credit for this because many guys really don’t know how to deal with their emotions. 9 out of 10 emotions manifest as being crabby, so you never really know what’s wrong with a guy when he’s manifests that way. Is he nervous, annoyed, hungry, tired, mad, overwhelmed? Ask him and see what he says.
That having been said, being that most guys have lost their ability to express their emotions beyond monosyllabic utterances, he’s not going get whatever signal you’re trying to throw at him. Many girls tend not to be very direct in expressing their emotions, often relying on subtle cues to manipulate others into acting a certain way or reacting. A lovely experiment for you girls to try is subtle flirtation. I've found that most guys will not think a girl is flirting with them unless she's being veeeeeeery obvious, direct, or slutty about it. Anything short of that may very well fly under the radar (guy-dar). Overall this does not work well with guys because we’re missing that piece of the brain. Guys this is why your GF gets mad when that hot girl asked you for directions and gave you "a look", and you patiently repeated giving her directions even though she seemed confused after you told her the first time. She knew that the girl thought you were cute, while you were simply trying to visualize the fastest path to her destination and explain it coherently. So again ladies, just say what’s on your mind and make it easy so that we can pick up on the cues better in the future without you having to spell it out. Yes, we really are that dumb. Let’s practice shall we...
“I’ve had crappy day. I would appreciate some time alone”“I’m feeling a bit insecure. Make me feel special”
“I’m feeling underappreciated. Make some time for me”
“I’m very excited about this. Listen attentively”
"I just bought this. Tell me what you think of it"
"I like you as more than a friend. We should hangout and see where it goes"
As aforementioned, English; it’s a good language and most good partners will be more than accommodating once they have a clear understanding of you. Most guys will say or do whatever it is you want them to do to keep you happy because we probably don't care that much about the issue to begin with. Despite wanting to explore your nether-regions, we really do love and pride ourselves on making you happy. So have some mercy on our cognitive deficits and take baby steps in the beginning please ladies. This of course only applies if you're not dating a douche-bag.
NEXT INSTALLMENT WE COVER THE DUDES...
